“We lost boys and men to the Republican Party. And if we want to win, we need to make our tent bigger and not smaller… A lot of boys and men don’t feel heard by the Democratic Party right now.” — San Francisco Democratic Central Committee member Emma Hare to KQED, May 29, 2025
Man, we haven’t talked in a long time — so long that bros used to call each other “homies,” bro — but we really gotta link. The world is totally messed up right now and I don’t want to see you drift into hopelessness, despair, and The Joe Rogan Experience. I’ve been reading so many stories about dudes like us not having any bros and how some of us are finding purpose in the MAGA movement where bros feel better seen and supported.
That’s why me and the peeps at SFDCCC have overwhelmingly adopted a resolution to help us help you. Among the proposals in this resolution are better mental health resources, support for universal paid parental leave, and more male teachers to inspire the little bros and homies and keep them away from Rogan.
Those are the top-line ideas, but here are some of the others that I think you’ll agree are totally fire.
- Every night, a DCCC member will call you to say goodnight and “baby, I love you.” Sure, it’s a little weird and kind of a joke, but it’ll make you laugh. It may also force you to pause those The Last of Us analysis vids on YouTube for a minute and connect with a bro.
- SFDCCC is gonna pay for us to go see The Phoenician Scheme at Alamo Drafthouse opening weekend and throw in some duckets for us to get a beer at Doc’s Clock and talk about how Wes Anderson has fallen off since Royal Tenenbaums. 90 minutes spent in the cool, symmetrical embrace of Wes World will remind you that a better — and cooler, and way more symmetrical — world is possible if you vote blue all the way down the ballot.
- Someone from SFDCCC will like all of your posts on all social media platforms, even on your burner that’s just you keeping up with women’s gymnastics. Dude, think of the clout. It’ll also give DCCC a way to keep track of you and make sure you don’t get radicalized.
- Remember when everyone was always saying “Men would literally rather [blank] than go to therapy”? SFDCCC is gonna literally get you therapy so that joke is literally not true. Sure, getting therapy for all the bros and homies who need it isn’t super scalable, but announcing expensive, quixotic plans is something the Democrats are great at. Trust the process, homie.
- Finally, and this one is huge: SFDCCC is gonna get you back together with your college girlfriend. We know you’ve been thinking a lot about her and it’s made your mind drift at work which caused you to get passed up for a promotion and now you blame Democrats for bros like us slipping through the cracks. But, bro, stop despairing: SF DCCC will fix it. They’ve already reached out to your ex and she was touched that you still think about her. She thinks about you sometimes too, and she wonders what happened to you, if you’ve drifted into hopelessness, if you think Wes Anderson’s movies got worse when he stopped writing with Owen Wilson. She wants what’s best for you and the Democratic party. We’re not promising anything, but she’s open to meeting up at your local polling place and helping you fill out your ballot. She’ll make sure you vote the entire thing — it doesn’t have to be Dems all the way down, but, hey, it would mean a lot to her if it is — and you can snap a pic together and post it on your non-gymnast feed. Someone from the SFDCCC will ‘like’ it (that’s a promise) and the world will know you’re turning your life around.
