California Governor: Steve Hilton vs Xavier Becerra
Arguably the biggest and least interesting election is for governor. This vote will decide who will replace Gavin Newsom as either the Hand of the President or a thorn in his side. Not included in this vote is who will be the most handsome man in the state: Newsom will continue to serve in that capacity.
Your choices are Xavier Becerra, who previously served as the state’s attorney general and as US secretary of health and human services under Joe Biden, and Steve Hilton, who married someone successful and moved to California in 2012. (OK, fine: Hilton was a director of strategy for British Prime Minister David Cameron and has appeared on television many times.) Hilton is running on a platform he calls Califordable, which promises to save taxpayers money by selling several letters from “California” and “affordable.” Having grown up in Sacramento, Becerra has the advantage of actually being willing to live in the state capital.
Vote for Becerra
If you want more housing and to make Donald Trump angry.
Vote for Hilton
If you want to own the libs.
Congress: Scott Wiener vs Connie Chan
The campaign to replace Nancy Pelosi in Congress is ruining group chats and dinner parties across California’s 11th Congressional District. Whether you choose Scott Wiener or Connie Chan, a Democrat will be going to Washington, but your individual taste in varietal and terroir will decide how well they pair with fellow Dems. Like it oaky and slightly vanilla: Wiener has legs for days. Prefer your pol on the drier side: Chan is so sugar-free, she’s practically medicine. Both candidates have deep roots in San Francisco, with Wiener serving as supervisor for District 8 and as state senator and Chan representing District 1. Since Congress is basically an influencer hype house occupied by individual content creators at this point, vote for whoever you want to live in your feed; the loser will still live in your actual city, so choose wisely.
Vote for Chan
If you already miss Nancy.
Vote for Wiener
If you can stand the guy.
District 8 SF Supervisor
Consider this the most dramatic supervisor race in 2026. Manny Yekutiel might’ve run away with this given his name recognition and glad-handing of literally every entity with political influence, but a sexual assault allegation made against him has shaken everything up. Gary McCoy now has the moral high ground, and may be a default choice for former members of Yekutiel Nation. Darshini Patel is the underdog, despite her experience with the Obama administration and in policymaking. So is Michael Nguyen, a lawyer and elected member of the local Democratic Party who has one heck of an alter ego: the glamorous drag queen Juicy Liu.
Vote for McCoy:
If Nancy Pelosi’s endorsement sways you.
Vote for Nguyen:
If you want Juicy Liu to sing on the Board dais.
Vote for Patel:
If you miss Obama.
Vote for Manny:
If you can cover your ears when the sexual assault allegation comes up.
District 10 SF Supervisor
How to even decipher this smorgasbord of people you’ve probably never heard of? We could start by pointing out who among the candidates has a major endorsement: Theo Ellington, Dion-Jay Brookter, and J.R. Eppler. The city’s progressive wing is throwing its weight behind Brookter, including outgoing D10 Supervisor Shamann Walton and D1’s Connie Chan; former supervisors Dean Preston and Aaron Peskin; and former mayor Art Agnos. Ellington has more backers from the center (see: London Breed, D6’s Matt Dorsey, and the SF Democratic Party). Eppler, a small biz lawyer, is hoping the Sierra Club could turn the tide. With respect, we’re having a tough time distinguishing the rest of the squad, but brownie points for longshot candidate Mike Trouble Lin, who appears to have put all his campaign info on a baby-pink Linktree template designed by Olivia Rodrigo.
Vote for Brookter
If you’re big on outgoing politicians anointing their heirs.
Vote for Ellington
If you can’t help telling everyone that Daniel Lurie has exceeded your expectations.
Vote for Eppler
If you hate the establishment and love the environment.
Vote for Lin
If you like Taylor Swift and a sick middle name.
San Francisco Proposition G, aka, Allowing Private Vehicles on the Great Highway in Sunset Dunes Park
Have you ever seen Groundhog Day, in which Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over until he gets it right? It’s funny but frustrating to watch Murray go through all the beats of his day knowing that it will happen again. Which brings us to Prop G, a chance to sunset Sunset Dunes and make the Great Highway great again with weekday car traffic. In 2024, voters passed Prop K, fully closing the road and turning it into a park the next year. Like Groundhog Day, in which Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over until he gets it right, we’re voting on this again, apparently. Arguments for reopening the road focus on shortened commute times and easier access to the west side of the city; arguments for keeping Sunset Dunes Park tend to focus on reduced pollution and maintaining a new and beloved public space. To us, the proposition and the debates around it feel a lot like Groundhog Day, in which Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over until he gets it right.
Vote for Prop G: If you want to vote again on this in two years like the movie Groundhog Day, in which Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over until he gets it right.
Vote against Prop G: If you want to vote again on this in two years like the movie Groundhog Day, in which Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over until he gets it right.
California Proposition 40, aka, “the Billionaire Tax”
A onetime 5% tax on the net worth of residents with wealth exceeding $1 billion, Prop 40 is, depending on your politics and whether or not you employ a family office, the first Molotov cocktail in the class war or a good way to raise nearly $100 billion for the state. Before it even made it to the ballot box, Prop 40 has resulted in a statewide ‘billionaire drain,’ sending a handful of very wealthy individuals to the welcome climes of Texas and Florida.
Vote for Prop 40: If you still have your Bernie 2016 lawn sign.
Vote against Prop 40: If you plan on spending more than 270 days this year at your Atherton estate, rather than the Big Island villa, Deer Valley ski chalet, or pied-à-terre in the Sixth Arrondissement.
