“Corporate Bitches, what are we wearing to work?”
“Any of you bitches going to OSL??”
“looking for a cvnty pantsuit”
A quick scroll through the Reddit page SFbitcheswithtaste — SFBWT for short — feels a bit like the anti-ChatGPT: this is the place for hyper-specific, hyper-local questions and real humans more than happy to provide advice. SFBWT is a forum where women seek recommendations for everything from panties to primary care physicians, but more than that, it’s a gathering of people in San Francisco that’s cordoned off from the onslaught of tech bros on Reddit and in real life.
SFBWT currently boasts 12,000 members, most of whom are centered in San Francisco or scattered around the Bay Area, looking for fellow bitches to commune with. There’s people asking about where to purchase commuter jackets that don’t reek of tech douchebaggery (try Everlane), or tailors that can do wonders on bridesmaid dresses (that would be Eva’s Tailoring in Chinatown), or bars to take visitors that are fun but not too touristy (meet me at Mothership). The vibe inside the forum is light and a bit frothy; there’s not much heated debate or conflict among the self-described bitches. On its face, it could all sound a bit frivolous, but in a city that’s lonely enough to inspire a country song about it, a warm, welcoming space to talk with other locals feels increasingly rare.
The maestra of all this is Alexandra Burk, a 32-year-old attorney at a local biotech firm. A Dallas transplant, Burk moved to the Bay a decade ago, eventually attending law school at the University of San Francisco and settling down in the Outer Sunset.
Meeting Burk at the Philz in Mission Bay recently, she struck me as a cool, queer older-sister type with perfectly-laid hair and a chic biz-cazsh outfit. I was running late, but she was early (and didn’t make me feel bad about it).
One thing Burk wanted to make clear is that she’s no aspiring influencer. She doesn’t even really want to be credited for creating SF Bitches With Taste, which was inspired by a New York City-based subreddit with a similar name. Burk was a lurker on that forum for months before she decided to spin off a San Francisco version.
At first, the subreddit consisted of her trying to poach people posting “fun and flirty” things on the main city subreddit. She would post nonstop trying to get people excited about the group. Then — by algorithmic luck or sheer force of Burk’s will — SF Bitches with Taste gained some traction. It wasn’t one post that did it; rather, it was the sustained good vibes of it all. Once the party starts jumping, it’s easy to get people to join in.
A “bitch with taste” can be anyone: It’s a state of mind open to people of any gender so long as they’re not a jerk. Who belongs in any particular group is a touchy subject on a website like Reddit, which according to one estimate has a nearly 60% male user base. A common refrain among SFBWT members is, Why do men want to be in this space when there are so many others?
It’s a rarity on the internet — let alone Reddit — to find a space like this. The popular San Francisco subreddit is a dumping ground for rants and raves, a tough hang even for the toughest Reddit residents. SFBWT feels more like a gab session over wine and charcuterie. Key to that is the moderation: Burk is happy to ban anyone who bad-faith trolls or gets mean. One guy posted a photo of himself holding a paintball gun and laying on a bed; he instantly got banned.
Not far from where we’re seated is OpenAI’s Mission Bay office. I pointed out that a lot of the questions about doctors, clothing, or destinations that get asked on Bitches With Taste could reasonably be answered by a chatbot. But, Burk as explains, AI has a major flaw. “You can’t outsource taste,” she tells me with a wry smile.
“There is something lost to AI when you ask it to do a million things for you because I just feel like it’s generating the same shit over and over again,” she added. “I think different perspectives are so valuable.”
The humanity of it all allows for real moments of candor, too. Tucked in between the Cotogna vs. Kokkori debates and the barre and pilates hotspots are questions that are nakedly human: How can I start family planning? What should I wear to a funeral? How do I celebrate after leaving a bad relationship? How can I not feel so lonely in San Francisco?
Try asking that last one to a chatbot if you want to feel even lonelier.
A not-insignificant chunk of the membership in the forum consists of people who have tried “dinners with strangers” or BumbleBFF or paywalled communities like Women’s Thirdspace and still want and need connection.
In the year since its creation, SFBWT has moved into the world. Members have hosted book clubs and paint-and-sips; over Memorial Day weekend, one member hosted a wine bar hang after “having a very lonely week.” While she has attended some gatherings, Burk has not hosted official SFBWT hangs. “It’s been really beautiful to see people care for the space themselves,” she said.
As the community she created grows, Burk admits that it’s getting harder to watch over everyone and keep track of everything. “There are so many subreddits run by women on Reddit that have like a very intense verification process just to get into,” she told me. “The vibe of that is not what I’m looking for.”
She recently tapped a couple of people to be moderators for the community, help that will come in very handy soon as Burk is six months pregnant and would like the group to be in good hands while she’s on maternity leave.
“I'm scared for the day that it grows too big that it feels unmanageable and then people start coming for me in the comments,” she said. But that’s a problem for another day: Right now, this group of bitches is having a blast.
