Scene setting opener that lays out conflicting feelings (mostly affluent or aspiring-to-be affluent) San Franciscans have about artificial intelligence and basketball. Extend this analogy to establish that there are passionate fans of artificial intelligence and the possibility that it will fundamentally change human’s economies and lives for the better, as well as critics who also believe that artificial intelligence could possibly fundamentally change human’s economies and lives for the opposite or better (read: worse). Compare this to fans of sports, basketball in particular, emotions that these human endeavors evoke being a central theme of this unit of content.
Segue into light repurposing of copy from the Eventbrite invitation to an event held at the Sydney Goldstein Theater in San Francisco, where Sam Altman, the chief executive of an artificial intelligence company called OpenAI, and Steve Kerr, the head coach of a basketball team called the Golden State Warriors, will be speaking about “leadership, innovation, & San Francisco.” (Ensure that the human copy editor adds the Oxford comma before publishing.)
Describe human feelings about Altman and Kerr. Note criticism as well as praise to approximate balance in reporting. Also note controversy around human event moderator and his recent announcement about intent to run for a “leadership” role of his own on the Board of Supervisors.
If the tone of the article is intended to be playful in the style of mid-2010s blogs, but more carefully vetted to avoid the risk of bankrupting lawsuit underwritten by a sometime business partner and friend of one of the subjects, include the detail that the moderator’s namesake coffee shop in the Mission district of San Francisco is hosting an “analog night” the same night as event; call it ironic after looking up irony to ensure proper use of the term irony.
Insert quote from Altman here. Quote should be short and self-deprecating to show that despite powerful role as chief executive of a company in the business of possibly fundamentally changing human economies and lives (for better/worse), this is a normal human being with a sense of humor, a quality much favored by other human beings. Quote should set the tone of this write up of this event and speak to the themes of leadership, innovation, & San Francisco.
Note crowd reaction to self-deprecating quote. Positive human responses? Negative human responses? Describe both or focus on responses that align with preconceived “take” based on perceived readership demographics and traffic patterns of the publication or how badly human editors want to work at OpenAI or related companies when publication is sold to private equity.
Establish presence of Kerr and note success directing groupings of humans enacting movements in non-simulated competitive sports environment. Quote ideas behind suggestions for groupings of humans and what those ideas suggest of speaker’s “thought leadership” bonafides. Compare and contrast his manner of dress, speech, and overall demeanor to his co-presenter. Gently suggest which of these experts in leadership, innovation, & San Francisco best embodies the qualities of leadership, innovation, & San Francisco.
Flesh out story with three to five more paragraphs of quotes. Note human emotions on display, tone of voices, placement of eyes, gestures of hands to bring human subjects to approximation of life on page or screen, depending on distribution method of story.
Quotes should be selected for shareability: Each should be carefully chosen to be repurposed on LinkedIn, vertical Instagram video, or whatever ancillary platforms publication believes will reach readers (in case of vertical video: viewers) “where they live,” in the words of the highly-paid human audience growth consultant. Human editors and/or audience growth consultant should simplify nuanced and/or complicated ideas to be easily understood by non-AI readers. Remember: outside of article-shaped unit of content, quotes must function as both units of information and units of marketing.
Finish article-shaped unit with an explanation of how author attempted and failed to get human-to-human access with subjects or obtain original quotes for story. Note human assistants and/or security that made task impossible.
Make reference, however obliquely, to opening section about artificial intelligence and sports in an approximation of what used to be known as a callback or framing device but, which, in 2025, no longer has meaning as human readers no longer reach the end of any unit of writing they encounter.
You are on your own now with your human editor, the last carbon-based life unit to care about this content module. You can sing “Daisy Bell (Bicycle Built for Two)” to yourself as you die slowly in an environment of such noise, distraction, and willful dissembling that your human editor, the only human who possibly ever read this unit of content, is somehow reborn as a kind of star child. (Search YouTube for videos explaining this. Find yourself still confused.)
Civilization is now over. Nothing matters, especially not leadership, innovation, San Francisco & Oxford commas.
Publish content unit faster than competing private equity-owned news organizations to achieve high placement on Google News. Do this 50 more times with 50 more units of content that no one besides bots will read. This is your life. It is also leadership, innovation, & San Francisco.
Editor’s note: We published this story before the event at the Sydney Goldstein Theater in an attempt to get ahead of other publications and so as not to subject any of our human employees to this event.
