Even amid the rest of the mind-altering goo on TikTok, RuPaul’s feed is a trip. An ambling cocktail of surreal character studies (“Aussie Science Teacher,” a car saleswoman named Vanessa, a baby), raunchy quotables, disarmingly earnest life advice, and, of course, advertisements for the many, many pies the world’s most famous drag queen outside of Brazil has her fingers in including Drag Race, DJ sets, and her upcoming movie Stop! That! Train!.
This week, RuPaul proclaimed San Francisco his favorite American city. “It is so beautiful!” he said.
What follows is a seemingly off-the-dome list of the things he loves to do in the city. If it turns out the city’s tourism board paid RuPaul to do a Cameo about what he loves here, I would not be surprised.
RuPaul’s perfect San Francisco experience requires four things: a meal at downtown stalwart John’s Grill, a stay at the Ritz-Carlton in Nob Hill, a skate at the Church of 8 Wheels, and, as any respectable San Franciscan will tell you, a helicopter ride.
The lack of LGBT places and things notwithstanding, RuPaul deserves some credit for not including, like, the House of Prime Rib or the Painted Ladies.
But this is a list for someone with money! RuPaul, with her countless $10,000 gowns and deliciously maximalist Beverly Hills estate, certainly does, between the aforementioned business ventures and (disputed) diverse assets in her portfolio.
Here’s what RuPaul’s perfect day in San Francisco will run you.
His first recommendation is John’s Grill. “It’s not ritzy or anything,” he says. “It’s such great food.”
Ru doesn’t specify his order (John’s Grill reps did not immediately respond to a request for comment on what the drag star likes), but a classic steak ($37.95) and martini ($15) combo is probably a decent guess; maybe throw in a shrimp cocktail ($17.95) for good measure. That’ll run at least $100 per person with tax, tip, and fees. As far as meals go, it’s spendy, but not ludicrously so.
Up next, a night at the Ritz-Carlton. A Deluxe Guest Room (the lowest end available) starts at $480 for a weekend night. But for the Glamazon herself, nothing but the finest: A two-bedroom suite runs to $2,636 per night with the Presidential Suite (treat yourself) can be yours for $9,840 a night.
The third item on the agenda: The Church of 8 Wheels. If you want to catch the Church of 8 Wheels during your visit, you’ll have to be here on a Tuesday or a weekend day, which could bump up the cost of the Ritz stay. But entry into the Church costs a reasonable $20 and a $4 service charge, less than a 12-pack of RuPaul’s House of Love cocktails.
And, then, the most left-field choice? A helicopter tour of the city.
“It is so fabulous because you get to see, you get a bird’s eye view of the geography of the city, because it’s kind of a hard city to figure out if you don’t understand it.”
I doubt that Ru or his team is searching for the best-priced deal for this, so let’s go with the first choice that pops up on Google: That would be Aero Adventures, which operates out of Sausalito. A regular half-hour helicopter ride through Aero Adventures costs $845. There is a non-zero chance that RuPaul cannot get on this plane; turns out, Aero Adventures prohibits anyone over 6’2” from flying on one of their helis. RuPaul is 6’4,””, but let’s hope they would make an exception.
So, there you have it: To experience RuPaul’s perfect day, you’ll have to spend at least $2,000. Guess that means you better work — or you better work for OpenAI.
